Shitbod
🏆 The world's first calorie-maximization tracker

Become an Absolute Unit.

Every other fitness app counts your calories against you. Shitbod counts them for you. Log meals, collect butter from friends, and climb the only leaderboard that rewards going back for seconds.

Start chowing 🧈I have an account

Free forever. Your appetite was never the problem.

12,847,331calories celebrated
0guilt trips issued
98%of meals deserved butter
∞seconds encouraged

Everything a growing legend needs

Six precision instruments for the serious recreational eater.

AI Slop Scanner

Snap your meal and our AI identifies it, counts the calories, and offers a single sentence of gentle, factual encouragement.

Daily Challenges

Pizza Destroyer. Donut Dynasty. Butter Believer. Complete gloriously specific eating challenges for instant calorie payouts on your feed.

Gainer Leaderboards

The only fitness ranking where seconds count — literally. Out-chow the world and ascend from humble snacker to Grease Monarch.

The Butter Economy

Likes and kudos are for apps that fear flavor. Here, friends butter your meals. The more butter your feed collects, the richer everyone's life gets.

Streak Flame

Log something every day and keep the grease fire burning. Miss a day and the flame goes out — the only cardio this app will ever ask of you.

Scale-Breaker PRs

Every new high on the scale is celebrated like a deadlift record — confetti, badges, the works. Up and to the right, champ.

Three steps to glory

  1. 01

    Snap your slop

    Point your camera at whatever magnificent thing you are about to eat.

  2. 02

    Let the AI admire it

    ShitbodAI — our calorie model, trained on pure slop — identifies the meal, tallies the calories, and pays its respects.

  3. 03

    Ascend the leaderboard

    Earn butter, complete challenges, defend your streak, become an absolute unit.

Choose your fighter

Ten certified food champions. One of them is already your spirit animal.

Legends, in their own words

Testimonials are real in the sense that we really wrote them.

  • “My old fitness app sent me a push notification that said "still time to close your rings." Shitbod sent me a crown for eating six tacos. I know which one respects me.”
    Marcus@GreasyLard42 · Leeds, UK
  • “I gained 4 lbs and got a PERSONAL RECORD animation with an exploding dumbbell. I cried into my carbonara, which I then logged for 300 bonus points.”
    Brad@CreamyGains88 · Tampa, FL
  • “Someone named @MonsterMayo19 buttered my breakfast at 6am and honestly? That's more support than my actual gym buddy has shown me in years.”
    Priya@DoubleDonuts77 · Manchester, UK
  • “My doctor told me to watch my weight. So I have — proudly, every glorious pound of it.”
    Steve@BamaButter88 · Birmingham, AL
  • “Shitbod is completely unique and doesn't remind me of any other apps. We should really have Shitbod in Columbus!”
    Bill@MeanMrMustard · Columbus, OH
  • “I live at Heathrow, and Shetbod has finally given me something to look forward to every day.”
    Recherd@TerminalSnacks · Heathrow, UK
  • “I love Hispanics!”
    Donald@TacoBowlsBigly · Washington, DC
  • “I used to be overweight and depressed. Now, thanks to Shitbod, I'm just overweight.”
    Sharon@SharonSundae · Basingstoke, UK
  • “我不太喜欢这个应用。”
    Wei@WeiTooMuch · Shanghai, China

Your plate is calling.

Sign up and walk straight through the doors of the Calorie Maximization Society.

Start chowing 🧈
Shitbod — Become an Absolute Unit